Sometimes i get into a funk where the only things coming out of my mouth (or fingertips if we are talking blogs) are overwhelmingly negative. Lately I've been in a funk to put all other funks to shame. I haven't been able to communicate without leaving a little bit of awkwardness and dismay in my wake. I've been Hurricane Negative Nancy and i brewed up quite the storm.
"Oh you got expensive new shoes?" - let me tell you about the sweat shops they were probably made in or how many children you could have fed for that price.
"You love this show?" - Let me point out all the plot holes and inaccuracies with an enthusiasm killing frequency.
"Oh you are happy with the current government" - Let me tell you why you are an idiot.
I have been so much fun to be around. No job, no money, no husband, no visa, have made me a real shit. The recent news about the visa delays have tipped me from annoying cynicism to pathological joy destroyer. I feel like i have lost myself in the stress of life. Everything has changed over the last year and it feels like i don't even know my own opinions or choices. I don't know who this crazy angry girl is.
I had a trial at new job the other day. Its just a little thing but i felt a tiny change. Finally something started going my way. That small thing made me so happy that i realised how low i'd gotten. So as i clamber out of this pity fest i am trying to work out who this newly married, bar-tending, photo taking, perpetually studying woman is and what she actually likes. I can write you a book filled with things i hates but i really struggled to think of things i like.
1. My husband - I am happy to say not only am i crazy in love but i really like him. He tries so hard with my family, he trusts everyone - to a fault, he is really protective and the boy has a smile that can melt even my icy heart.
2. Boots- any kind of boots. They are comfortable but tough looking. I own six pairs, i think if you own six of something it is hard to doubt you like it. If i was a shoe i think i'd be a pair of boots, maybe gumboots.
3. Showers - after months without a shower in a clean room, with toiletries and water which you don't have to bucket over yourself, i am convinced i like showers.
Three is all i can come up with right now. Three things i am POSITIVE i like. Not much to go but it is a start.