Sunday, October 23, 2011

Trying to find a little ray of sunshine

Sometimes i get into a funk where the only things coming out of my mouth (or fingertips if we are talking blogs) are overwhelmingly negative. Lately I've been in a funk to put all other funks to shame. I haven't been able to communicate without leaving a little bit of awkwardness and dismay in my wake.  I've been Hurricane Negative Nancy and i brewed up quite the storm.

"Oh you got expensive new shoes?" - let me tell you about the sweat shops they were probably made in or how many children you could have fed for that price.
"You love this show?" - Let me point out all the plot holes and inaccuracies with an enthusiasm killing frequency.
"Oh you are happy with the current government" - Let me tell you why you are an idiot. 

I have been so much fun to be around. No job, no money, no husband, no visa, have made me a real shit. The recent news about the visa delays have tipped me from annoying cynicism to pathological joy destroyer. I feel like i have lost myself in the stress of life. Everything has changed over the last year and it feels like i don't even know my own opinions or choices. I don't know who this crazy angry girl is. 

I had a trial at new job the other day. Its just a little thing but i felt a tiny change. Finally something started going my way. That small thing made me so happy that i realised how low i'd gotten. So as i clamber out of this pity fest i am trying to work out who this newly married,  bar-tending, photo taking, perpetually studying woman is and what she actually likes. I can write you a book filled with things i hates but i really struggled to think of things i like. 

1. My husband - I am happy to say not only am i crazy in love but i really like him. He tries so hard with my family, he trusts everyone - to a fault, he is really protective and the boy has a smile that can melt even my icy heart. 

2. Boots- any kind of boots. They are comfortable but tough looking. I own six pairs, i think if you own six of something it is hard to doubt you like it. If i was a shoe i think i'd be a pair of boots, maybe gumboots. 

3. Showers - after months without a shower in a clean room, with toiletries and water which you don't have to bucket over yourself, i am convinced i like showers. 

Three is all i can come up with right now. Three things i am POSITIVE i like. Not much to go but it is a start.

4 comments:

  1. and I happened to see your husband in boudha! co-incidence! ;)
    and i was looking for "amanda" you! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. He told me you he saw someone i know and they had i blog. I thought it might be you :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm sorry things have gotten so low. I hope the job is a sign of your luck changing. I'll keep my fingers crossed that your bad luck juju will turn around soon.

    It's good to keep trying to think positive and having a supportive and loving husband is definitely a plus! (not to mention, he is very cute as well ;))

    Big Hugs from America!

    ReplyDelete
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