MIA

I had a few comments and a couple of emails while i was gone.  I have been MIA for the last month. We had a bit of a bad time and i didn't want to write for a while.

About two months ago, surprisingly, excitingly, a little bit scarily, we found out we were having a baby. I've never been very good with babies, but knowing how much Mero Budda wants a family, it gave me a lot of joy. I was also anxious, so far from home and i had no idea what i should be doing to look after myself and to make sure i didn't fuck up the baby before it was even a person.

Our families were drunk on happiness, almost to the point of delirium. They said don't tell people, try to hide your  news or someone will give you the bad eye. But everybody knew. Strangers invited themselves into our lives, saying eat more rice, get more sleep, don't wash, don't walk, don't work. But of course I always think i know best.

And then one morning, a little pain, a quick trip to the hospital, a waiting room of rounded, perfectly pregnant women listening through the door, and an obnoxious little man with a fancy machine confirmed we weren't having a baby any more. The reason why was never translated to me by the hospital staff but i understood what the women in my community were saying, "we told you". And they did. I never listen.

Suddenly everyone was sad. What comes after making everyone you know sad?

That's all i have to say about that right now but i reserve the right to return to the topic later, after all, it's my blog. I have some new photos and some writing, i might not post as often as before, i'm working through some things so don't rush me.